Noor: Alright, so today is a very upsetting day because we have not one, two guests. Um, Noah, I'm gonna turn it over to you to intro Steph. And Steph, if you could introduce Noah because that's cuter.

Noah: Alright. Cuteness is the objective function.

It is. I am Noah or, uh, now this is Steph. She's an investor. She has her own fund and does like angel seed investing and things like that.

And, uh, used to work at Datadog, runs the, uh, San Francisco Women in AI Society, or something along those lines.

Stephanie: I care a lot about women in tech. Yeah.

Noah: Definitely, and he is just generally a cool, brilliant person.

Stephanie: Thank you, um, all about us. Well, right back at Noah. Uh, one of the most brilliant minds I know and one of the best, most prolific writers, um, with a substack that I read weekly and as do tens of thousands of other people, um, covering economics and bunnies and, uh, geopolitics and all sorts of fun things.

Noor: Yes, exactly. So very accomplished crew to talk about. And this equally very relevant topic, which is of course, dating. So I'm glad we, we brought the brightest mind together for the, for the hardest problem, which is matchmaking. So, I mean, let's just get right into it. I mean, you know, why is it so hard? Why do we have all these, you know, amazing people who are, are, aren't able to find 'em one, what's going on?

Yeah.

Noah: Well, you know, economics is all about, uh, trade-offs. And, you know, budget constraints and basically there's only 24 hours in a day. And when you spend, you know, 18 and a half hours working on your startup, where's the time for romance? So I'd say you just start off with a baseline of like, everybody's working too hard and, you know, and, and so, um, so that's gonna be difficult.

But I think, uh, when you, when you get into advanced economics, you start looking at search models. And, um, basically with, with a search model, you get like, every turn, you get like a draw, right? You're like, okay, I could take this one and then, uh, you know, keep this job or whatever you're, you're searching for or employee.

And then I, I could take this one and uh, or I could just wait. And throw it back and then, you know, take all the others. Mm-hmm. And, um, I think that the more choice that you have,

Stephanie: having too much optionality,

Noah: having too much optionality can make you wait a very long time. It can make the search process laborious.

And if you have high search costs, uh, this can be very, you know, disheartening. So I think that with, with dating, I think that people who have access to a ton of. Other people, you know, in a big city like this with modern dating apps and just meeting a bunch of people, especially if you're in a, a, a a, you know, subculture where you just meet a ton of people.

Like, I think the, sort of the, the founder of VC tech subculture, you just are meeting people all the time. There's just so many people. People and who do you pick? You know? It's like,

Stephanie: I think there's a difference whether you're, um. Uh, like straight man or straight woman, that depends on your, um, sexual preference, but also like your use of the word optionality made me think of, um, like there's more fertility options than ever ways that women can extend their personal runway.

And I, this is actually the context. In which I think of optionality the most because over the past five, seven years, probably 10 to 15 of my girlfriends have frozen their eggs and um, done various things to, you know, give themselves less constraints in finding a partner.

Noah: Right?

Stephanie: So I think that also exacerbates.

It's like I don't actually need a man. I

Noor: have way more time. Yeah. I think that the time thing is actually really interesting. I think South Korea right now has like the lowest fertility rate in the world, and I think that they were also like the first to legalize something, some absurd, uh, workday, like a 20 hour workday or something like that.

Mm-hmm. Um. So what do you think is driving that? Just like accelerating, you know what I mean? I think there's like two sides of it, right? There's Tim Ferris who's like at cake for, you know, like the four hour work week. And then there's also just like the constant grind of like, you know, hustler culture of like, oh, a hundred hour work week, 200 hour work still.

Like make your, yeah, whatever your workout succeed. 'cause yeah, basically it just totally, you know, minimizes the amount of time that you have to, you know, do anything besides work. So I don't know. Why do you think that's, that's happening and you think that there's likes where. People feel like they are less of the struggle.

Noah: Well, I don't know. I'm a blogger. I, you know, work in my pajamas and do my hobby as a job, and then I always, you know, get packages and people see me in my pajamas and they're like, okay, this guy's on employed. And to a certain extent, they're right.

Noor: Most wildly successful, unemployed person. Yeah,

Noah: I'm just, I'm just bumming my way to the top here.

I don't know. In America. What we've seen, we've seen a pattern where the average American works less hard than they did 40 years ago, but the educated professionals work harder Yeah. Than they did. If you looked at yuppies in 1982, they're not working as hard as, as you know, you yuppies are right now.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Noah: And they're, you guys were cardis than yuppies in, in 82, whether they were like, you know, lawyers or like, you know, worked at a bank or whatever they did. And, and part of that is just because of the substitution effect. There's so much money for hour of work there to be. Gained. You know, there's just so much reward that why not buster ass?

Why not sit there burning midnight oil working? 200 hour work week. I'm not sure how that works given that there's less than 200 hours a week. But anyway. Oh, I believe it's 168, I guess.

Noor: 68. Yeah.

Noah: So then anyway, they

Noor: went a little too far. They go into, you know, travel stuff. That's right. No, just to get more time.

Then.

Noah: Strength theory alternate. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, but I mean, don't

Noor: people get a lot of fulfillment out of like relationships and families? Like how could it go so far and so extreme? Right? Because it'd be, what is it, 40, 50 years ago, you know, women weren't even working, right. It was the complete opposite of like totally decide, well, to be checked out of, you know, the whole economic scene to totally be in the family and relationship scene.

So, I don't know. How do you think we, we, we got here,

Stephanie: I mean, there, there were periods of. Great opportunity, right? Mm-hmm. Like a lot of our first generation friends, their parents were immigrants and then had this great opportunity to make a new life for themselves. And so across just one and a half generations, a lot of these family lines have traversed, you know, socioeconomic classes that took other people and other parts of history, like centuries to accomplish.

And so I think, you know, I've talked to my parents about this. Uh, during Covid we spent a lot of hours just talking about their growth, their mental health, a lot of things that other Asian kids are like, whoa, how did you get your parents to do that? Yeah. But I think it's important to, um, to kind of like disentangle all the things that exactly like that got us to this point.

Um, and I think like when you think about all the different. Geo geographical and societal and financial distance traveled. It actually doesn't feel like we are putting off family as much as we are. In fact, the shift of five to seven years doing it five to seven years later on average is. Probably just about right, like you think about a long time ago, people were having kids at like age 19, age 20, then it was 25, then it was 30.

Now it's 35. I, a lot of my female mentors are the most brilliant, amazing, successful women I know. And they're pregnant in their early forties. Yeah. And so it's feels probably on a local level, like a significant change. But I think if you zoom out, it's, we're actually exactly where we need to be.

Noor: Yeah.

Okay. So, okay. One reason why dating's hard is because people are working way too hard. Yeah. So they literally don't have any hours allotted to even date. What are the other reasons why dating is hard? Maybe like locally at SF and then maybe more globally. I dunno. You guys have been other cities like New York.

Well, okay, there's, there's one.

Noah: One thing I've noticed is that, uh, tech people. Um, often date with, so, so we talked about having too many options, but there's also a sense in which I think a lot of people don't have what they feel is enough, which is to say that a lot of tech Wait,

Noor: wait, wait, wait. So you're saying second reason why dating is hard is people have too many options to choose from?

Noah: Well, I said one reason. Yeah, because people, there's too many options in a big city. Right. So this is why in New York are in trouble settling down in New York because there's always more people to meet and date people, I think in the tech world.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Noah: Want to date seriously other people in the tech world or even casually.

Noor: Yeah. So people are only dating within tech and sf, which is a tech people technically need technical. So basically why is that?

Noah: Well, 'cause it shrinks the pool. You can have the paradox of choice. You have too many options and you just like, you're like, ah, there's just more people to date. So, um, yeah, so, so it's this idea of the endless search, right?

The endless search. And I, I saw this in New York. I saw people doing an endless search in New York and you know, maybe by the time they're like 37 or something, they'll feel like getting out of that search.

Noor: Alright, we've talked about the problems. What are the problem? Do people want

Noah: babies?

Noor: Oh, maybe you should talk about that.

Do people, do men want babies? Do women want babies? What? What do, do people want babies

Noah: or do they want to have had babies so they can like check the box of their life?

Noor: That's true. That's a great question. I do

Noah: think

Stephanie: it's becoming trendy again,

Noor: to have babies. To have

Stephanie: babies, to check

Noor: the box

Stephanie: legalism. My theory, my theory is that we all worked on a GI for so long worked on ai, like sentient beings.

And not, you know, 99.9% of people working on a GI in the, in the two thousands and 2010s were men. And I, my theory was that they just wanted to have babies because babies are the ultimate a GI, they're born men, men

Noor: wanted to participate in like, the generation of life. So they wanted to do ai. Yes. And

Stephanie: I worked for someone who's like a starred ai and I asked, I said like, positive this theory.

And then he had a daughter a year later and he was like, you know, she's 1-year-old. It's, she kills. Like, she's like way better than any computer I've ever worked with. And it's like, yeah, I think there's this urge to create something that learns and there's,

Noor: well, no, no, no one's laughing. So what's, what's the male opinion on this?

Do anything, Ben are just doing all of this stuff as a surgeon. I don't, it's just that, but I think there's an element

Noah: thing I've ever heard.

Stephanie: I. Potentially, possibly

Noah: true. It's like, wow, I made a, a chat bot and a kid is even better.

Stephanie: Yes, I do think that there's an element of that and I think that, you know, and then there's also, you know, you all legacy and it's, it's just fun and I think.

You. Yeah. Like it's the other part you, have you heard of the vampire paradox? Like once you become a vampire you can undo it. Yeah. So there's the psychological fallacy of once you have a kid that like you only get positive reviews or like, yeah, that's kinda worth it. Or like, I wouldn't undo it, you know, no one says that they would undo it.

There is, I mean, yeah, so

Noor: no, what's the, what's the male mind called? Babies. Can you just unlock it first? Just, you know, just be a little bit, you know, just try to represent all the different sides that you feel

Noah: people have very different. Preferences. Like some people really like kids. Yeah. Some people are like me, don't care.

Like some people want kids because they feel some guys want kids because they feel like it's a legacy. They're like, you know, is it like they see a

Noor: specific woman and they want to have kids with her or separate, or is it separate from that? Is it more like an age related thing? Like what's, what's the psychology there?

There's

Noah: that too. I mean, guys, guys have age related worries about having kids, so.

Stephanie: Some of my guy friends tell me they wake up one day, they might be 35, 40, 45, and they're like, I must build a family. And then just like a New York taxi, the next person they pick up is the passenger.

Noor: Do you think that's true?

Is there a certain age for guys? It depends.

Noah: It's people are heterogeneous. I think that,

Noor: I know, I know. But from the bell curve, what would you say for what is a male bell curve? What is it? What does it mean? Tell us about all males. I would say your, your average

Noah: represen, your average man, your average man in the, you know, educated professional class that we are aware of, um, feels that having kids is an important part of life.

Um, wants to find the right person to have kids with, gets anxious if they're getting too old and hasn't done it yet.

Noor: What is too old?

Noah: For men? Yeah.

Noor: It depends.

Noah: Uh, that really depends. But forties, I'd say

Noor: forties. Okay.

Noah: Um, and so not, I would say maybe there's a five year age difference in terms of when you start to feel a biological flock for men.

But I would not say it's five years is not that much. You know, it's like, it's some. Mm-hmm. But like, I would say that that men definitely feel that anxiety too. A lot of, a lot. Some, some are just like, nah, who cares? But some women are like that too. Mm-hmm. You know? Um, some women just have no. I kids. Um, what do you think?

Noor: The female ages? My sister, my sister decided

Noah: never to have kids. She's like, never even thought about watching kids. She's like me. Screw it.

Noor: Do you think there's something that emerges in, in a difference in how men or women treat dating because of this? About like five year? Yeah, for sure. Kiddos

Stephanie: For sure.

I mean, I think, I think the constraint is men, or rather, in my experience, the constraint has been men. Like I definitely want kids and I've more or less said that on first dates. Mm-hmm. And with guys who I was pretty compatible with, um, it worked. Like it would, they appreciated that. So I, for me, I, I think like when a guy is not ready, there's nothing that a woman can do about it.

Yeah. And when a guy is ready then, um, you know, there something that

Noor: a woman do against it.

Stephanie: There's nothing that a woman can, and he will look for it. And like, that's actually probably, if, if dating apps had a filter, like I would probably set that filter to be like, are you ready or not? You need to know.

'cause if they don't know, that's a no.

Noah: Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Um, you know, a lot of men have been taught that. So, so, so there's one big problem with heterosexual men in our society. Just one society.

Stephanie: Yeah. One point.

Noah: Yes. One. Okay.

Stephanie: What is the one?

Noah: The one, um, well, besides Bo No, no, there's really just one, which is that men do not understand that women want them.

Intrinsically.

Noor: So I, okay, well this is my finish what you're gonna say. That's very interesting. Continue. Yeah, finish

Noah: that. What you're gonna say, men are, they don't, that men, well, I mean a few do. Okay. Men do not have a consciousness of their own desirability. And this, I could name all the different ways in which this screws men up.

In, in. Yes, I totally agree with 1220 different Oh, so, so one example. So. Just to back up agricultural age, morality says that women are supposed to be very chased in, men can't sleep burned.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm.

Noah: Uh, that's the, the double standard of agricultural age morality. And so the idea is that women protect their virtue because that means having kids, women having sex means having kids.

It's like, um, it's a women sexuality is this precious commodity that must be hoarded protected, guarded, locked up, et cetera. And this is the basis of, you know. A lot of people's moralities this day and a lot of ideas, tacit ideas about romance and sex and childbearing and all of this stuff. Mm-hmm. And so that, um, that idea says that, um, you don't want to, you don't wanna depict women as having sex drive.

So, so in order to restrain female sexuality, women were told like, you don't want sex. But also men were told women don't inherently want sex. You've gotta be a provider.

Stephanie: Hmm.

Noah: Women want you because of, you know, for money and status and, and as your role as a provider.

Stephanie: Yeah. So prevailing societal beliefs, right.

Are holding men back,

Noah: right. Is what you're saying. And so men didn't understand, oh, women want me, for me, they were like, women want me because I like work hard and have a job provide for them. Because that's what they were told. Because they were told that they're not desirable intrinsically in this.

That's the big problem. Yeah, that's what rude.

Noor: Well it's actually really sad. It's really sad. That's really sad. So what, how do they cope with that?

Stephanie: Um, they're not coping. Men are not, well, men are not well,

Noah: well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you one thing. So, so men on the dating market often feel they have to verify their own desirability.

They have to do something that RIF desirability. So. Whole, this is not universal, but it's common enough. Mm-hmm. Where a whole lot of men that I've seen who are in really great relationships right now, who are just in really common, like in a happy relationship. The man a lot of times just came off a period when he slept around.

Why? That's, he feels

Stephanie: satisfied that he, he's desirable.

Noah: Yes. He has proved, he has proved to himself that he is desirable. Mm-hmm. By actually getting women, a bunch of women to sleep with him. And because of that, he feels the confidence necessary to feel confident in a relationship.

Stephanie: I'm curious if you, he guys think men need to be needed or want to be needed.

Noor: So I think this is a great un that, so, I mean, right now. You know, the state of men I would say, actually is in jeopardy, right? Because you know, more women are going to college. I mean there's, there's this whole asymmetry thing. So do you think that women don't want to marry men who make less money than men?

Or do you think that people are accepting of that? Or do you think that men are willing to do some of the labor that was traditionally female labor or, I don't know. I think that's part of the matchmaking problem, or. So,

Noah: so I

Noor: think

Noah: that's, I mean that's, that's ultimately a, I think questions death's probably better.

Good chance than me.

Stephanie: I have at least one answer. Do you, have you

Noor: had any experience with men who were in relationships with women who were more successful than them, and how did they handle it? Was it uncomfortable for them? Did they, I have seen men

Noah: who felt uncomfortable. Yeah, they usually lied.

Noor: Oh. And

Noah: said that they didn't feel uncomfortable, but, but you know,

Noor: he

Stephanie: can tell them,

Noor: but you can tell, okay, so what was really going on?

So what was really going on there? And how prevalent is that? Is it gonna shift? Like

Noah: what's, it felt weird. It felt weird to them. I think partly it was because, you know, do you, because

Noor: men think they're bad at than women. Like why?

Stephanie: Or because there, there's an intrinsic need of a, a question of like, why am I here?

What do I bring to the table? What do I bring? The woman can just show up and be like, I'm here. Your original

Noor: insecurity, they're worried. They're just a long of, of, of beanbag plano, so they need to have a function. So if they're not filling their function, they're worried they're what? Gonna be discarded or what?

Yeah,

Noah: lumbo,

Noor: they're gonna Okay. Totally

Noah: useless. Useless slump. And um,

Noor: so they don't have that intrinsic like belief that they just want them as a contain or that's not enough or what is it?

Noah: Yeah. So, so I think that's, that's ultimately it. But I think Steph just said it, you know, the in, in a relationship, lots of times a man is asking, what do I bring to this relationship?

A woman is just like, I brought me, hi, I'm here. I showed up. You know, you're what? I'm your birthday present. They're like, you know, men feel like they've gotta bring a present. Women are like, I'm your birthday present. And know my presents

Noor: my get to be around me. Do you think it's because women can create life, women can create babies.

Or do you think it's, why is that? Why do women feel that way? I thought it was always because they can do the, I have a super

Stephanie: hippie divvy reason.

Noor: Basically, men never try to make these buildings and they railroad this all because they can't be babies. That's what I thought. Is that, is that that what It's

Stephanie: so I think that the goal some, wait, wait.

I totally answer. Noss. Okay. So I think the goal of life is to have meaningful relationships and have your family and friends be happy and healthy. Mm-hmm. Period. You wanna be learning, you wanna be growing. Yeah. And I think that, you know, in especially, you can see it in older age. Mm-hmm. Women are better at physical, mental, emotional health.

Mm-hmm. Social creating, social structure, creating. Social interactions that keep your heart and your mind healthy. And I think as we get older, you need more and more of the skill and they need to be habits. They need to be built into your daily life and your routine. And men are physiologically not as prone to do this naturally.

And so I think this is related to the creating life and to, you know, women are slightly more chaotic like we. Communicate it like 10 times the depth and breadth of men. And so I think like, you know, this has implications on large language models too. Just saying, but, but I think that yourself, I think that there is, you know, okay, maybe not present company, not included.

Okay. So I'm, I

Noor: reject that women create chaos. What could be more orderly than creating a hum at nothing? That's extreme order. That's so much absurd. It's a co

Noah: sign.

Noor: It created something that imagine all the different, your human genome is

Stephanie: so chaotic. What

Noor: do you mean it's so orderly? Oh my gosh. Okay. Alright. Alright. We need a really good on this because this is a key thing. Okay. So basically men feel uncomfortable with more successful women because of this deep insecurity they have of like, what am I bringing to the table?

Is that gonna shift? Like do you think there's gonna be some shift that causes men to realize that they have innate value and that they women want them as like burgers? Or do you think that's just gonna become up, that's gonna be a persistent thing that's gonna like screw up dating forever?

Noah: Well, they can't, they can't be ignorant forever.

Ignorance can't last forever. Right. Alright, so, so Steph, I feel like you're in a good position to answer this because I think financially you do not need a man. But, um,

Stephanie: I don't think it, that assumes that there's a concrete number that is enough.

Noah: No, true. That's absolutely right. But, but it's true.

Stephanie: I could raise a kid by myself right now if I wanted to.

Noah: Absolutely. So to you, what, like what does a man bring to the relationship? To you? Like what, what do you,

Noor: I think that's the problem, right? Because basically like for all the women like you, they're like nothing. So then they're not picking you. But I don't

Stephanie: think her answer, oh, no, no, no,

Noah: no, no, no. I don't think her answer is nothing.

I

Stephanie: totally wanna, no. Okay. So what a man brings to the table for me and a lot of girlfriends who are like me, who are still single, is emotional support, emotional connection, companionship, partnership of truly building something greater than some of it. Parts, you know, having fun, laughing and building even something bigger that's like, you know, there's, there's, there's so many things that we have yet to do in the next 10, 20 years.

And to have a partner who understands and supports that and is, you know, able to create worlds with you. Like, I have this with a lot of my girlfriends, but I think it takes a special kind of guy to provide, like not just financial. I like, I think the financial side is a little bit less than, so

Noor: I, I don't know if you guys have gotten into the like hippie dippy side of me too, but I'm really interested in this.

So have you guys heard about like masculine and feminine energy?

Noah: Yes.

Noor: Okay. So do you define it?

Noah: It is the new that

Noor: actually. Yes. Yes. Okay. Do you wanna, yeah.

Noah: Okay. I have no idea. I don't

Stephanie: wanna define it, but you just reminded me. The main thing is like, I'm so masculine in my work. Yeah, but that's totally not what I am in a relationship and I want someone who allows me to be more feminine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically the, when I'm not shouting at people to be better at work.

Noor: Yeah. So basically, I think part of it's basically just women want to be in their feminine energy and in order to be in their feminine energy, they need the vascular energy to take over and do the best in things in a relationship.

And, uh, women because they're, you know, more of, more participating in, you know, uh, really aggressive rear paths are constantly in their masculine energy. So they crave more and more to be their femin entity. Yes. Which is why they want, that's what they, but from it masculine energy.

Noah: Yep. So

Noor: that

Noah: what

Stephanie: she

Noah: just said.

Right. But you used the words masculine and feminine for. Um, something that I heard different words used for that, but, but I understand what you mean now. And, um, but yeah, so people who spend their time at work handling shit want, often want to be taken care of and they're awful.

Stephanie: Yes.

Noah: Um, and I think that's a very common impulse.

Uh, and so I think that for men, you know, being emotionally steady, I. And like being able to emotionally handle stuff. Just being like, you know, calm and collected and confident and just like emotionally like emotional rock of emotionally

Stephanie: secure.

Noah: Emotionally secure. Yeah. Not just secure in themselves, but also willing to extend that security to other people.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Noah: And be like a rock you can lean on emotionally.

Stephanie: Yeah. Yeah.

Noah: It, if not financially, ultimately the like, so, so I'll make an analogy, you know. Um. In like in the old days when everybody went on killing everybody all the time, which

Stephanie: was a

Noah: thing. Women might want a guy who could actually kick people's ass all the time, who was like, good with a spear or whatever you have.

Yeah. You know, or a rock or a sling. But then now I. So people don't necessarily want a guy to like be a financial provider. They need a guy to be like an emotional

Noor: provider. What are some solutions? What are you, what is gonna help the dating, the matching problem, the baby problem. And

Stephanie: so I think it's such a great opportunity that guys don't know why women like them.

I think we should normalize. I complimenting guys. And normalize, like expressing gratitude for what they bring to the table on their parents or what? No, for being kind, being thoughtful, being like considerate, organizing things, paying for things. Yeah. You shouldn't, it's really nice if a guy pays. Yeah. But express gratitude for it, you know?

Yeah. It's like, thank you for what you bring to the table. I mean, this is just like typical, you should be saying thank you to your partner anyway. But I think oftentimes guys do get taken for granted.

Noor: That's true. Okay, so compliment you guys. What else can we do?

Stephanie: Compartmentalizing personal and, uh, professional is something that people should do better.

Noor: Okay. So that's what we can do for, for men. What do you think women can do to. Successful relationships,

Stephanie: I think freeze eggs. Okay. Early on. Okay. One, get educated about IVF to give yourself more options and runway and, um, this, you know, kind of relieves the, the extra CPU burning in the back of your mind of like, oh, what's my, what's my timeline?

Like, oh, I need to find like a baby daddy. And I kind of. Messes up the romantic side of dating, uh, or maybe conflates things, right? Yeah. I, I think

Noah: in general, my relationship with NICE to people is just always take it easy.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Noah: Like people just get so upset about this and that, you know, like, just take relationships easy, just chill out about the whole thing.

Just like, enjoy the relationship, enjoy. And then when you have kids, enjoy having the kids just like focus on enjoying. Just, just enjoying the thing instead of achieving, and this is really hard for educated professionals in America because, you know, it's always

Stephanie: the look on Nora's face. Look at you.

Noah: Well, she just laughing know.

So, so like, this is the problem for, for educated professionals, you know, it's the, uh, it's like they

Noor: never throw that time. They're brain of like gratitude and enjoyment. Not even gratitude. You don't

Noah: even know. You know, I'm, I have no gratitude in, in life. I just try to enjoy stuff. I never think, wow, I'm so grateful.

'cause I have no one to be grateful to. It's just a bunch of random particles, you know, like, no,

Stephanie: it's not people. You don't need a person to be grateful to. Uh, you can be grateful for. Yeah.

Noah: I just enjoy stuff. I think you should just appreciate, appreciate and enjoy. That's gratitude. It's like fines.

Gratitude. It's gratitude. Okay. So be grateful. Um, so, but yeah, just like, you know, live in the moment because, you know, um, like you're just, you're just gonna die and then there's gonna be nothing left. You and no one. And after another generation passes after that, no one will even care or remember who you were.

And there'll be some pictures of you and like records of your tweets. That you made and that'll be it for you. And then like people mis conceiving what you did in history are more likely just forgetting about you. And that's, that's what's gonna happen. Yeah. So you only get a little bit of time in the world.

Noor: Okay. So what's your, what's the closing, dating advice?

Noah: My advice to men is that you should just basically sleep around until you find someone you really like and then stick with them. Then don't be afraid, get married and, and have some kids and, and be a dad.

Noor: What's advice to women?

Noah: Same. Except for the dad Just switched mom.

'cause we use a different word for that. Like, you know, when you're, when you're young, try people out and like see who you like and then you know, pretty quick you'll find someone you really like because humans are set up to work that way. You're set up to find people that you like pretty quickly. And so you won't, you know, you're not gonna have to like sleep with a hundred people to like find someone you're like, you know.

Maybe it's just wine and then, but don't I just, when you find the one, don't, don't over question it. The reason why I don't be like, oh God, what if this isn't the right person? Just, it doesn't have to be the perfect one because you're gonna grow under that person. The point is that like, it's not gonna take you that long to find someone that you really like and you really click with,

Noor: but so many people listening have been looking for such a long time.

And what is your message to them?

Noah: It's a markoff process. Okay. Like, you know, you know, worse off if you've like, you know, had had. I don't know, 15 serious relationships and failed, which I think is a lot. That would be a lot. Does has anything, have that many anyway, so it's kind of like, I dunno, what's, what's a lot of relationships, serious relationships to fail?

Three, like

Stephanie: four.

Noah: Four, okay. If you've had four relationships, serious relationships, that's failed, which I consider actually probably a lot. Um, 'cause each one takes a long time of your life. That's not that many. It's like a markoff process, right? You know, it, it's like a coin flip. It's like you haven't hit heads.

You are like, oh, is this coin rigged? Am I, you know, probably not. There's not that many rigged coins around. It doesn't mean that you suck. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It shouldn't make you think that there's something wrong with you. Right. That you should just be more brave and more powerful to overcome.

Stephanie: Yeah. The

Noah: idea that the, the nagging fear, there's something wrong with you. 'cause there's not, what's your dating advice for men?

Stephanie: Well, okay. Dating advice for both is just be kind and communicate openly. No. What's do gender,

Noor: what's your advice?

Stephanie: Okay. For men? For men, a little bit of compassion and empathy goes a really long way, especially in the valley.

Mm-hmm. And then for women probably, oh, for men also, I. Parallel processing is something that works really well for computers, but in a small ecosystem doesn't work quite as well. One at a time. Okay. Yeah. One at a time and then, I don't know, for women, probably like for fun. Like, I think enjoy enjoyment is something that at least, you know, I don't always prioritize as number one.

And it's like, dating can be a lot of fun and we should lean into that.

Noor: My advice is extremely controversial.

Noah: Do it.

Noor: Okay, let's, so for women, I think expect, accept zero inbounds only outbound. Okay.

So girls have to ask guys about, okay. But advice women. And then my advice for men is, uh, basically play into all of the romcom movies that girls love. Like dramatic things like, you know, like, like go on the street. Not hug grand

Noah: movies, though, not Hugh Grand. Like,

Noor: whatever. Don't do that. Like, I would just go talk to your girlfriends, like, be like, what are your top three favorite romcom moments?

And then just do that for random girls. Yeah, like

Noah: random girls. Read, read romance novels and like become the guy from the romance novels. Just

Noor: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do

Stephanie: like

Noor: Danielle

Stephanie: steal novels only

Noor: Also just do, just do extremely cute make, I think we should bring back like relationship man maxing, like, you know, like, you know, like just like the most, yeah, I'm into it.

The most dramatic, ridiculous self. Like, you know, like filling an apartment. Surprise parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 11 or like random, random roses on a Thursday afternoon. Also, also singing. I feel like just singing and dancing. Okay. Okay. Okay. Nora, why do we bring that back? Why are men not the street like that?

That would be so cute. I all

Noah: the time people can have moments. Two

Noor: women? No, you're just doing it alone. You're just

Noah: Yeah, I know. That's, no, I'm not just doing it alone. Oh, okay. Because I'm weird. Um, but no, like, whether it's by myself or with someone, people think I'm homeless, but that's me. You should do it.

You absolutely. Singing in the street. So the point is, look, the, my, my point is. I think you're reinforcing my point that like, kind of anything works, just anything works as long as you like, are into it and you just enjoy it and you take it easy and you don't like, you know, freak out about it and you just do it.

Yeah. You know? Um, but, but there was advice, life advice given to me by a great Japanese economist. Mm-hmm. And then, and he said this and we were talking and then he switched to English for life advice. He said, he said just, he said, in life, just do some stuff.